Gratias
When I observed the mellow pace of the Church thrusts of evangelization yet triumphalistic church’ leaders, the faces of injustices, poverty, and evil that seemed eradicable, I let myself weary and down because I felt the weight of what they called the Church’ mission. Then added with various issues of the church; politics and hierarchy, fiscal issues, and the cleric’s scandal feasted by mass media were some particular issues worth mentioning to. More still, if you have personal issues and needs which clouded more the situation, then, someone has no reason to blame if he/she has apathetic, cynic, relativistic, and pessimistic view of the kingdom of God.
Even nowadays the question of God, if there is really God is no big deal. Moreover the relevant question now that either crumple or awaken the humanity is that, is your God real? There is now the demand of personal view, a personal encounter of that God whom the Catholic religion professed real. An encounter that an individual experience a real God, an encounter that makes the faith keeps going on, that keeps the faith alive, which sustains the energy on mission.
You cannot give, if you really do not have. You cannot share that God is real, if simply in your life God is not real. You cannot say that this God is love, if you do not encounter the love of that God whom we called love. Simple, easy yet in the heart of the matter, one needs to look back, to recall in memory ones life. And often times when we gradually move back, one was stranded and stuck to the experiences both joy and sadness, painful and success. But often times, one was usually stricken to the experience of tragedy, difficulty, sadness, loss, poverty. Naturally, those hardships become the apple of ones eye whose life seems only suffering and pain. Ordinary routine seems unnoticed. Daily living is just a day after yesterday and presumably tomorrow will follow. It is really a folks to mention that that ordinary living was perhaps a blessing. Denial, belligerence, and lukewarmness were some psyche reactions to his fellow, to nature, and to heavens. The question is where to put out the mission? How to carry that mission? Yet surprisingly, when things left unsaid one can gradually noticed, lift his/her hands, and smile because God were there in times not only on those days of abundance and joy but also on those days, on those moments of too ordinary, hardships, and even tragic events.
Perhaps we were privilege to be assigned to a new and unknown area of Bicol region. To plunge my reflection in this reality keeps my feet on the ground, yet at the same time, laid various angles of seeing the recent program in its at least relevance and formative goal to a young man deliberately choosing his vocation. No doubt, the context has similarities to some of my rural parish in my diocese. Lifestyle, dedication and service really surfaced to see and hear the needs of the people, to noticed God already there.
To use the imagery of the story of the prodigal son captured my reflection. As I give recollection with the theme for Lenten reflection, the story was a classical scenario of human desire, the desire of human beings to control his/her own lives, to serve for him/herself. We want to be the sole master of our life. Sometimes, we put too much passion on the biggest dreams and priorities in life. We search too much for the right choices, for the right paths to walk through for the right time and for the right reasons. But life is not all about searching for the things that can be found. It is about letting the unexpected to happen and letting God sneak through a door you did not know was left open. And oftentimes those downfalls, those turning away from the father become the matter of realization that one is wrong, misled and needing repentance and conversion. Nevertheless what was breath-taking soul touching encounter was the unquestioned acceptance, immeasurable compassion, unconditional love of the father to his son.
I was really embarrassed when I came to the kapilya counting six or ten person present to attend the recollection. My passion ran dry. I felt bored and tired. I had a negative reactions, and felt angry at the same time pity seeing how the quality of their response externally shown. Salamat na lang dahil may merienda pero minsan uwi na lang na gutom wala pang stipend, walang income.
I was disgusted yet it was also an avenue of encountering Christ’s mission as out of my control. No doubt, desolations and consolations were part of it. But what I hold on to was, I am now the God’s hand. One of my ultimate missions is to show Christ in them and to find and encounter God in them. It is very hard to empty yourself to serve others selfishly. To detach from your needs so that you can minister other’s need pastorally. To always remember that you deliberately choose that your life is a vocation not a profession, a ministry not a job, a life of service and dedication, a life of love and compassion even in the reality of poverty, failure, and death for the sake of Christ’s mission. But sometimes, you need not to say something, what you need is to listen.
We left the place. No stipend, no money given. Only gratias, only salamat, only faces of warmth and smile that evidently marked with constant struggles and risks to encounter that God whom they called real and loving.
